How to enter a room

Here’s something from Entrepreneur magazine. Click on the How to Enter a Room video option, view and enjoy.

PS: It has its funny moments!

PPS: It also includes useful advice on how to dress like an entrepreneur…

It’s enough to make Stephen Fry blush!

I was, dear reader, going to write a post on the relationship between brand management and human resources. However, having just been on the receiving end of a tranche of incomprehensible business-speak I thought I would have a rant about communication: more precisely, communication that does not communicate. Firstly, have you noticed how everything has to be ‘uber’ these days? So, to begin, I was asked to contemplate how I could achieve an ‘uber-solution to a multi-channel marketing strategy’. So far so good, say what you mean… But secondly, had I not noticed that ‘consumers where differentially attracted to the convenience of 24/7 self-transaction.’ Well, I had actually. Not only that, I was ahead of this Johnnies game and had realised (perhaps rather smugly) that I needed to ‘extend my pipeline in order to tap into regional discontinuities’.  All of this is of course total tosh. There is never a time or a place for this sort of thing, and it’s not clever, it’s just a misguided attempt to re-image rather tired third generation resources. Ahh, I feel better for that.

Now, to change the subject only slightly, I am not for a moment suggesting that Mr Fry is the sort of person to suffer from any of form of craniofacial erythema, indeed I cannot think of anyone less likely to succumb to such an encumbrance; nor, I should add, can it be said that he is anything other than a precision engineer, a veritable 21^st Century Dr Johnson, of the intricacies and vicissitudes of our Mother Tongue, but there are times when plain speaking is required – not least when it comes to business communication. As, I think, I may have demonstrated. And, to pick another obscure example completely at random, perhaps that’s why we find ourselves in such a mess with regard to the banks. Frankly they don’t even understand each other, hiding behind their Chinese Walls and their Hedges, trying to leverage a despondent Bear Market with a quick Swap or a nifty Spread, on the way to Leveraging a Buy Side solution, or maybe a touch of Arbitrage with a Credit Derivative. Give me Liquidity every time I hear you say, and you’d be right. I’d certainly be very interested in taking out an Option on a double. No, don’t get me on the subject of bankers. Enough said I think.

PS: And I know about the apostrophe in wits’ end!

Photo credit: NowandZen/Freedigitalphotos.net

Anti-PowerPoint party formed in Switzerland!

There’s a new political movement in Switzerland that has a single aim: the outlawing of PowerPoint! Curious really, but perhaps the Swiss think that PowerPoint gets in the way of getting stuff done, and just clogs up the neural arteries with mind numbing charts, graphs and diagrams, and those slides packed with very small text. Nothing is of course further from the truth.

PowerPoint is a fine business tool that can transform any audio-visual presentation in to a thing of pure beauty. And what would people do if they didn’t have to spend endless hours looking for suitable images, getting the animations to work in the right sequence, and cutting the whole thing down to a mere 60 slides (for a 10 minute talk). No, I think our Swiss friends are barking up the wrong tree this time.

Think you know about PowerPoint, take the BBC quiz: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14125596

Finding more time to do stuff!

I seem to be having a battle with time again. It’s the usual problem, there just isn’t enough of it. And when there is, I’m so surprised I often fill it with things that don’t need doing, or stretch what I am doing to span the gap (c.f. Parkinson’s Law). But, to get to something specific, have you ever fantasized about longer lunchtimes, but didn’t know how to swing it? Well, here’s the answer!

Thanks to advances in clock technology, it’s possible to have a clock that speeds up 20% every day at 11:00 and slows down 20% every day at 11:48, giving you an extra twelve minutes of lunchiness to enjoy. Twelve minutes may not seem like much but it equates to an additional hour every week.

Get the technology here: http://www.instructables.com/id/Lunchtime-Clock/

Cats with thumbs

When I first went to University I studied Biology and I well remember being asked in some interview or other how you could breed a dog that could climb trees. Seriously. And in response I think I waffled on about the need for it to develop opposable thumbs or to grow claws like grappling hooks. I’m sure you get the idea. Anyhow this is a long winded way of introducing a great and funny advert about… cats with thumbs. Nothing to do with business, I just like it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6CcxJQq1x8

Why don’t meetings work?

Every time I attend a meeting I am struck by the fact that most of what goes on is an utter waste of time. What is it about the situation that just seems to bring out the unproductive in us? Something I have to say which is aided and abetted by the curse of the PowerPoint presentation. A method of boring people that is surely without rival. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a picture and a thousand words, that’s something else entirely.

The reason that most meetings flounder can also be attributed to Parkinson’s Law of Triviality (that’s C.Northcote Parkinson of ‘Parkinson’s Law’ fame). Put simply this draws the distinction between the amount of time that’s spent discussing complex and difficult issues, such as business strategy, as opposed to simple and ultimately unimportant things like the location or colour of a bike shed. Hence the alternative name for the law, that of ‘bike-shedding’.  

Bike-shedding

We all feel comfortable talking about the bike shed (or the colour scheme to use on the website, the type of water cooler to have etc) because we think we understand what’s going on, and this limits are chances of appearing stupid. But when it comes to strategy there’s far more scope for seeming to be ignorant, if not a complete noodle. Thus the result is one hour discussing the ‘bike shed’, and ten confused and nervous minutes contemplating the strategic direction of the business. There’s also something else going on…

So to add to the Law of Triviality, and Parkinson’s other laws, the famous first law: ‘work expands to fill the time available for its completion’, and the less well-known second law: ‘expenditure rises to meet income’; I would like to add my law of meetings.

Parkinson’s Law of Meetings

Having studied meetings over the course of many years I can report that the ‘law of meetings’ states that there are only three types of people who attend:

• Type A: This person does all the talking but knows none of the answers.
• Type B: This person does none of the talking but does know the answers.
• Type C: This person doesn’t know why they’re at the meeting.

These types map neatly onto three second-order personality factors: Type A is Extraverted (a ‘do-think-do’ sort of person); Type B is Neurotic (a ‘think-think-maybe do’ sort of person); and Type C is clearly Psychotic (detached, and angry and resentful about having their time wasted).

And this is why so little is achieved, because A+B+C≠Decision.

Oops, must go, I’ve got a teleconference in a few minutes…

The origins of the job interview

My attention was drawn to this Armstrong & Miller TV sketch a few days ago. If you have ever been interviewed (of course you have!), or attended an interview skills training course, this will make you chuckle:

http://youtu.be/b56eAUCTLok

Armstrong & Miller Show, Series 2, Episode 6, BBC1.

Must have a GSOH! (Data mining the heart)

Building on what I was saying about Internet Psychology, a few posts ago, I see that the US site OKCupid has started to publish stats based on its users behaviour.  These have then been turned into ‘real-world’ advice! For example,  it seems that men get more responses from women if they don’t smile in their pictures, and women are more likely than men to contact people they don’t find attractive. There you go, I knew it was all about personality not looks! Interestingly they have also discovered what people tend to lie about. Top of the list is height, with most users adding an extra two inches; closely followed by salary, with lots of folk giving themselves a 20% pay rise. And as if this wasn’t fascinating enough, they also indicate what stops people replying – even I presume to a tall, unsmiling sort of person – and it’s… bad grammar and netspeak. CUL8R A3.

Lots more at:

www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2010/08/22/data_mining_the_heart/

Time to think inside the box

We’ve all been there, haven’t we! Nothing like a brainstorming* session to get the creative juices flowing. Or perhaps not. Some clever dicks from Texas A&M University (pay attention, A&M, not M&M) have discovered that brainstorming exercises can lead to people locking onto a single idea, to the exclusion of others. So that’s everyone getting fixated on that mad caffeine fuelled thought that seemed like a good idea at the time. It’s a bit like mirroring someone’s body language, except this time mirroring their thoughts. So what to do? Sit quietly by yourself and have your own personal creative session and then share your ideas at a meeting. That’s what. Also be conscious of the fixation problem and take steps to prevent it. As in, “I think you’re getting a bit fixated there Bob. Time to spit out the dummy and tell us what you really think”. But, thankfully, the same bit of research underlines the importance of allowing for a ‘mental incubation’ period. Thank goodness, it’s what made Britain great. The tea break.

You’ll find an abstract of the research at: http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/123329584/abstract

*Footnote: Apparently it’s un-PC to talk of ‘brainstorming’ as it can upset people who have brain problems. Some Government departments have been told to use the expression ‘thought-showers’ instead. Interestingly the Campaign for Plain English have branded this (words to the effect of) loopy. Obviously they cannot describe it as ‘loopy’ as this would annoy those who have trouble with their loops.

Beware of the supersuaders

I’m a fan of Scientific American Mind and in the latest edition (March 2010) there’s a great piece on the science of persuasion. Check out The Power to Persuade by Kevin Dutton. Apparently it has got a lot to do with humour. For instance, the best jokes are those that catch you unawares, that cause your brain to do a quick double-take, and this leaves you open to suggestion. And as for empathy, well… perhaps you should read the article.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-power-to-persuade